You said you were going to a best friend’s birthday dinner.
You never told me What friend?
You post on Facebook you were the only male there, which of course made me look stupid.
I tried to joke with you about it,
yet You ignored me and responded to other women.
No woman wants their man to be the only male at a party and liquor is involved.
You and your friends thinks it cute.
Instead of fighting temptation,
it’s a whole invitation
How would you feel if I went to events with all guys and liquor is involved?
How would you feel if I moved like you did today?
Okay I might have overreacted
but the facts are still the same and the lies just continue;
Why do you lean sideways when you are your phone?
What are you hiding?
You started doing this about a month ago
I tried to talk to you about it,
You told me that you don’t do that.
And then follow up with an excuse to why you do the exact thing you say you don’t do.
It was like you got defensive or took offense to having an observation.
“Talk to your therapist about it”
“Fix your energy”
“I’m not going to bed with you tonight on Xmas with your energy like that”
It made me feel like I get punished for expressing my feelings.
My feelings don’t feel safe with you.
I feel like
I’ve been putting more effort in the relationship than you.
Your friends are more important to you than me.
I feel a lot of thing at the same time. Some moments I feel like you look at me with disgust and questioning weather or not you want to be with me. What you say vs the things you sometimes the lack of actions screams the opposite.
I find myself questioning if I fell in love with potential instead of what your actions are projecting. You say all the time how you feel you don’t do enough for me.
Perhaps you were right.
Perhaps I got comfortable with the bare minimum.
Perhaps I gave you way to much than what you really deserved.
I asked you what is your New Years resolution and you mentioned porn.
How bad is this problem?
Is it the reason why we don’t have sex often?
Are you attracted to me?
I’m hurt: I thought you was going to propose over the holidays.
Push Me Louder!
You can’t keep punishing me for my bad moments.
Every time I slip, every time I make a mistake or something wrong I’m punished.
Whereas I give you grace and forgiveness.
I give you understanding and chances
Sometimes it feels like I get punished for having concerns or feelings that you don’t agree with. Because you don’t agree or understand how I feel makes it invalid.
How would you feel if I did that to you?
I miss you. But What's There To Miss?
Yes, I see you everyday and next to you all the time but I really miss you.
I miss the way you’d look me,
Like I was precious piece of gold to you.
I miss the way you hold my hand in the car,
Even if it’s just down the road.
I miss the way youd smile at me,
Your cheeks would touch your eyes.
I miss the way you hugged me right,
My favorite was from behind.
Now it's finally over: We broke up yesterday.
Crazy how fast it was for you to let Facebook know.
I feel so exhausted but can’t sleep. Restlessly tossing and turning in emptiness and memories.
Like how the last 365 days was gone within a flash of an eye.
It’s been 3 days and today I was weak and texted you.
When would you like to meet and talk?
Why should I talk to you?
After reading my prior writing, we was done before we ended and I held on and settled for a fraction of you while you gave it away to someone else.
I do deserve better.
But the pain keeps going in waves.
The Crying Comes and goes like how the ocean kisses the land.
You left just as fast as you came,
and I'm back to where I was: Unsatisfied and Untamed.
What if I’m too broken for you?
What if my scars are too much to love?
Like over sauced flavoring on schix kabobs,
What if my tears drown you?
What if my fears pushes you away?
Am I punishing you for the last man’s mistake?
When you look at my eyes, are lying to mine?
Or is it the truth?
What if I don’t fit in your life?
I bring you your peace but what happens when we fight?
Do you look for the next to give you that rest?
Do I need more time to pass that test?
Am I still taking this exam?
What if my wounds wound you back?
Do we clean up the blood and cover the tracks?
Do we kill the vibe, push forward or hide?
What if I told you I write this and died.
What if it’s me fighting my own mind?
What if it never stops spinning,
Are you willing to try?
What if I’m just too much.
I spent most of my life never being enough,
What if I’m over flowing,
And this isn’t what you signed up for?
Do I give you enough or do you need more?
My brain is attacking itself,
Self sabotage at its best
You fuck up your own happiness
Viewing life through scratched glasses
Pointing fingers at past passes
like it’s not you standing in the mirror.
You prayed for better days and now
the shade fades
and the sun gets the beaming,
You get the screaming
like vampires in daylight,
from love you once believed in.
I’m sick of your shit
and Your self sabotage ways.
Hiding behind pain
like a bruised dog in a shelter,
biting everyone that tries to get close you.
You bark, they move.
You’re confused and it’s funny
You fear everyone else,
but you’re the real danger.
Are you a victim or a dummy?
Stop Hindering your own growth,
And Fix the shit that you broke.
You gotta do better
Or you’ll dream will go ghost.
Please shed your last tear
and dig up your roots.
It’s time for a garden, a repot and fruit.
You were everything I wrote about,
And Everything I dreamed for me.
I wonder how much you love me.
And Will it ever be as close to mine.
Hell I loved you so much,
I ignored all the signs.
How could you
break the wings of a angel
for your own personal gain?
How foolish it was to think
you could ever fly the same.
How foolish it was think that I’d get your last name,
How foolish I must of looked for still playing this Mind game.
It’s like Self sabotage at its best right.
Insanity at its finest
Writing about you like you treated me the kindest.
A girl can only dream tho right.
For you to fight for me like you fought for her.
I mean to fight for me like you fight for the game.
I mean, I guess it’s all the same.
I mean you played me better than Xbox.
I felt hot like Nintendo.
A 3 dollar store credit or pain to windows.
But Maybe I need to step out my own way
Perhaps I’m tripping on my own two feet.
How foolish I must have looked to think
you’d ever love me.
Here's some advice!
Don't do shit for people.
They'll ride your wave
until you have nothing left.
They'll rape your life,
and spit on you as they leave.
They'll laugh at the failures
and pray for your death, or disease.
They are the same ones
that wished you the best!
They smile in your face,
stab a knife in your chest
They'll take all you have,
That's a fact!
They'll watch you starve
and listen to you eat sleep for dinner.
They'll eat without you and ask "how'd you get thinner."?
They'll say "I love you",
"I'm here when you need".
But won't offer a pot to piss in,
Just listen, take heed.
Don't do shit for people.
Don't even crack a smile.
They don't give a fuck about you.
When was the last time that they dialed📞?
Don't listen to "I'm sorry" while they're racing Ferraris with the favors you've given to them.
In their eyes your a scum. A bum. Irrelevant.
Don't do shit for people.
I'd love to believe there's more good than evil.
No matter what you put out, they'll have poor retrieval.
What makes me a sin is how I'll do it all again.
But this time I'm better at picking lovers and friends.
I'm just a writer that write my own wrongs.
So now I'll put in my earphones,
And listen to my song.
The College Drop Out,
That plays Jesus Walks.
Kanye had bars,
ain't give a fuck about thoughts
One things for sure,
Self- Made isn't taught!
I give hope to the hopeless.
7 years ago,
I spoke my Dream into the universe that I wanted to publish a poetry book.
Today I have two published books that most people enjoy.
In case you’re wondering,
and as some of you may already know,
I don’t shit sprinkles and butterflies.
I write the feelings that most wont speak,
You know the kind of shit that makes you feel weak,
But I say it for you to give your mind some kind of peace .
Books that’ll pick you up when your mind is at defeat.
Does that make sense?
In 2016, I lost everything
I had lost my jobs,
life is perfect online ain’t it?
And My mind was in a dark place
and I fucked up
and made mistakes .
So I picked up my pen and paper
That was all I had,
besides God to keep me sane.
The crazy thing is,
even though I’ve always gotten hurt,
either it be from a relationship, family, friends or coworkers,
I still be out here loving everyone like it’s nothing.
I have this terrible problem of wanting other people happy.
I’m addicted to seeing people smile.
I thrive off of other people’s joy.
Yeah, it got me in a lot of fucked up situations,
And I learned I can’t make everyone happy,
But I don’t think I can help that trait about me.
I don’t want to either.
The world is cold enough
and what would the world be without love?
I love to love,
even if I don’t get that same love back,
it helps me sleep at night to know I did everything in my power to help, inspire, motivate, or just do SOMETHING for someone.
I guess I just know what it’s like to not have that,
so I live my life to be that.
Does that make sense? Lol
Ya feel me?
Hi, I’m Joniece
and I have a problem.
A couple of them
if you have time to listen.
You see I
talk to God
And I say I’m Christian.
Some say that’s the same effectiveness
as a condom.
Yet I live in peace
and they fold like wontons.
Incase you were wondering,
It’s pronounced “John-Niece”.
And I’m not a “Hood bitch”
But I lived on the east.
Then I live on the west;
And was stressed, and depressed
And my words got possessed,
And my hand just kept writing
And my soul got undressed.
Are You ready?
I don't fear society,
I fear of fitting in.
I don't fear me,
I fear me with a pen.
I don't even fear death,
I fear not living to the fullest.
So this right here,
What I’m doing is my to-do list.
It hits harder when the room is dark
And the night is cold.
You’ll roll over to nothingness
of “In love” blank stares
And “remember when’s”
You feel it in your throat,
Drowning but not quite dying.
Alive but not quite living.
Breathing but barely existing.
Hurting but not quite feeling.
Missing yet never found.
and It hurts,
I can hear your tummy growl.
I can hear your name next to words of foul.
I can hear your worries swallowed into pride.
I can tell you cried
Until your eyes had dried.
I can see your face when you look up,
I can see the fake when the deuce chucked.
I see you're pretending to not give a fuck.
And It's not working.
But, I do wish you luck.
I can smell your fear across your skin,
I can smell your sorrow as you lean in,
I can taste your dreams,
Which are so near.
I can taste your heart.
Choose you, not fear
I can feel your confusion.
You're lost in delusion.
A foregone conclusion,
But poetic preclusion
Of The Real Life Of Jo.
M.an-made material traded for your most valuable thing which is
O.biviously time because you
N.ever get that back but
E.veryone needs and that's a fact.
Y.ou know this though.
M.andatory paper you need to live.
O.pinioned to be worth more than life
N.evertheless causes misery, maybe strife
E.ither you have it or you don't. But that's
Y.our main reason you have to work.
Valued more than trees.
It's funny cause that's how it's made .
But it's trees that help you breathe.
I don’t think I can love anyone else
the way I loved you.
But maybe in another life
you’ll find me again.
You made my heart skip
like ink in a dried out pen.
And I never wanted to stop being friends,
But you know what they say,
Good things come to an end.
I never cared what you did or didn’t have.
It was the time you gave me that made me glad,
And the way you craved me even when I was sad,
This might be foolish of me,
maybe more than a tad,
But what I felt for you
was more than a fad.
I don’t think I can love anyone else
The way I loved you.
Pretty fucked up for me
because I don’t really want to.
Cause it’ll end just like this,
A warm heart to cold blue
Shit, a few men want me
and I’m here writing about you.
Look, I’m a poet.
You knew this is what I’d do.
Let love take me and make me a fool.
Sometimes I bite more than what I can chew
But the spark that ignited me
was all because of you.
You shouldn’t lose a 80 for 20
when you look like Andrew.
I thought I was your 90
And I had stopped counting to.
It was that very night
that my eyes had met you.
And It’s sad, ya know?
This world today only care about hoes.
When there’s good people out here
that’ll love you head to toe.
But that’s some real shit
that just happened to flow.
Just read the next stanza
Okay, ready? Go!👇🏾
I don’t think I can love anyone else
the way that I loved you.
So I’ll give it back to me,
And talk to God about you.
And to any man that’s hearing this status,
Don’t hurt the good girls.
Take her hand in marriage.
There’s no Queen out here
That deserves this kind of damage.
That’s how you create the women with emotional baggage.
Joniece Jackson (Jo), is a traveling poetic writing author of The Hidden Goddess With A Twisted Mind. In this blog she shares her hidden adventures and twisted thoughts to readers like you; Bold.